Have you ever had that voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough? It can happen when you’re about to take on a new challenge or try something outside your comfort zone. That voice – your inner critic – can be relentless. But here’s the thing: You don’t have to let it run the show. Learning how to manage your inner critic is a skill, and it can make a world of difference in how you show up in your life and your career.
Let’s talk about how you can transform that inner voice from one that holds you back to one that propels you forward.
Where Does Your Inner Critic Come From?
Imagine this: You’ve just been asked to give a big presentation at work. It’s a great opportunity, but as soon as you say yes, that familiar voice in your head starts chiming in.
“Are you sure you can do this? You’re going to mess up. What if you forget something important? Everyone’s going to see you’re not as confident as you pretend to be.”
That’s your inner critic.
It’s that voice of self-doubt that kicks in right when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. You start questioning whether you’re really up to the task, and instead of focusing on how you can prepare, you’re stuck worrying about all the things that could go wrong.
The truth is, your inner critic shows up most often when you’re about to do something that really matters to you – whether it’s presenting at work, taking on a new role, or even voicing your opinion in a meeting. It thrives on uncertainty and change, which is why it tends to get loud in moments when you’re trying to grow.
The inner critic usually develops from past experiences. It might stem from things people said to you, early mistakes you made, or situations where you felt vulnerable. It likely started out as a way to protect yourself – keeping you alert to potential risks or failures. But here’s the problem: over time, it can get louder and harsher, especially when you’re pushing yourself to grow or take on new challenges.
Your inner critic might think it’s keeping you safe, but it often just stirs up self-doubt that doesn’t serve you anymore.
The Impact of Listening Too Much to the Critic
When you constantly let your inner critic take control, it starts to chip away at your confidence. It can hold you back from speaking up in meetings, going after that promotion, or even just taking risks that could lead to incredible growth. Instead of focusing on your strengths, it zeroes in on your perceived flaws, making you second-guess your abilities.
It’s like driving with the parking brake on – you’re moving, but not as fast or smoothly as you could be. Imagine how freeing it would be to quiet that critic and step into your full potential!
Discernment: Knowing When to Listen (and When to Ignore)
Now, managing your inner critic doesn’t mean ignoring it altogether. The key is learning when to listen to that voice and when to challenge it. Not every thought that pops into your head is worth believing, right?
I like to think of it like running your own “inner boardroom.” Your inner critic is just one voice in the room, but it’s not the only voice. What if you also invited in some other perspectives? Maybe the voice of your supportive friend, your mentor, or even your own inner cheerleader who knows how far you’ve come. Balancing those voices gives you a more accurate, supportive, and realistic view of yourself.
This doesn’t mean you ignore the inner critic completely, but it gets less airtime. It’s about letting other perspectives lift you up instead of allowing one negative voice to dominate.
Visualise Your Inner Critic as a Character
A powerful way to manage your inner critic is by visualising it as a character. Instead of allowing that critical voice to merge with your thoughts, give it a distinct form – something separate from yourself. You might picture your inner critic as a cartoonish figure, a nagging old teacher, or even a small, overly anxious creature.
The idea is to create a character that you can observe from a distance rather than internalise. By doing this, you create space between yourself and the negative voice. It becomes easier to recognise the critic as just one opinion – an exaggerated, often outdated one – not the ultimate truth.
Once you’ve visualised this character, you can “invite” other, more supportive voices into the conversation, like your inner coach or a trusted mentor. This technique helps shift your mindset from self-criticism to curiosity and self-compassion, allowing you to respond constructively to challenges.
Self-Compassion: The Ultimate Leadership Tool
One of the most powerful tools you can develop is self-compassion. We’re often our own worst critics, and that’s where self-compassion comes in. Instead of tearing yourself down when you make a mistake or face a setback, what if you treated yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend?
Being kind to yourself doesn’t make you weak – it actually makes you stronger. When you give yourself grace, you create space for growth, learning, and resilience. You can separate the initial reaction of “I messed up” from the more thoughtful response of “What can I learn from this? How can I grow?”
This is especially important when it comes to leadership. If you’re hard on yourself all the time, it’s exhausting and doesn’t leave room for creativity or bold thinking. Self-compassion allows you to move forward with confidence and purpose, without being bogged down by negativity.
Gemma’s Pro Tip: What would you say to a friend in your situation?
When you find yourself in a challenging moment, take a moment to pause and ask yourself: What would I say to a friend if they were in my shoes? This simple question can transform your inner dialogue.
Imagine your friend has just made a mistake at work or is feeling overwhelmed. You’d likely reassure them, remind them of their strengths, and encourage them to learn from the experience. By applying that same perspective to yourself, you can cultivate a more supportive internal narrative.
By viewing yourself through the lens of friendship, you can step away from harsh self-judgement and instead offer yourself the same understanding and support you would naturally give to others.
Practical Steps to Transform Your Inner Critic
So, how can you start managing your inner critic today? Here are three simple steps:
Notice the Critic: The first step is to notice when that critical voice appears. Awareness is key. When you hear that familiar inner dialogue – the one that questions your abilities or tells you you’re not enough – just pause and acknowledge it. Realising it’s happening is the first step to changing it.
Shift into Neutral: After you notice the critic, take a step back and shift into a neutral mindset. This means you stop judging yourself so harshly and ask yourself, “Is this thought based on facts, or is it just my fear talking?” Shifting to neutral allows you to see the situation more clearly, without the emotional charge.
Access Your Inner Guide: Finally, bring in the voice of your inner guide – your wiser, more compassionate self. This is the part of you that’s forward-thinking, curious, and solution-oriented. Ask yourself, “What’s the best next step I can take? How can I learn from this and move forward?” When you engage with this voice, you tap into your true potential.
Turning Your Inner Critic into a Strength
Believe it or not, your inner critic can be helpful, but only if managed properly. When you learn to listen with discernment, it can highlight areas where you want to grow or improve.
The key is not letting that voice drown out all the others. By combining the inner critic’s insights with self-compassion and your inner guide’s wisdom, you can turn self-doubt into a strategic tool for growth.
It’s about balance. You don’t have to let the critic lead, but you can use it to reflect, learn, and ultimately become stronger.
Learn to Manage your Inner Critic with Gemma Bullivant
Remember: you have everything you need to succeed. Your inner critic might try to tell you otherwise, but by learning to manage it, you take back control of your narrative. Practise compassion toward yourself, invite other perspectives to the table, and remember that you can do far more than your inner critic would have you believe.
You’ve got this. Whether navigating a new challenge, growing in your career, or taking the leap into leadership, mastering your inner dialogue will help you lead confidently and thrive.
If you need some extra support, you might want to consider leadership coaching. My approach is grounded in evidence-based practices, enabling transformational learning across beliefs and behaviours. By uncovering the barriers that hold you back and identifying healthy habits you want to develop, we work together to create meaningful and lasting change.
In the meantime, check out my coaching tool and further guidance on ways to tame your inner critic (and overcome imposter syndrome).
