About This Podcast Episode
Gemma Bullivant recently joined The Live, Learn, Lead Podcast, hosted by Natalie, to discuss one of life’s most challenging experiences: grief.
The podcast explores personal growth, self-leadership and emotional resilience, featuring conversations with leadership experts and professionals from around the world. Each episode is designed to help listeners develop the confidence, self-awareness and skills to lead themselves and inspire those around them.
In Episode 12, Gemma shares her personal and professional insights into coping with grief, navigating bereavement and supporting loved ones through loss. Whether you’re grieving yourself or looking for ways to help someone who is, this conversation offers practical advice, reassurance and compassionate guidance for navigating one of life’s most difficult journeys.
Why Grief Is Still One of the Hardest Workplace Conversations
Grief is something every one of us will experience at some point, yet it remains one of the most uncomfortable topics to discuss, both in the workplace and in our personal lives. Many managers, colleagues and even close friends genuinely want to help, but often don’t know what to say or how to offer meaningful support.
As an HR coach and consultant specialising in grief, bereavement and significant life change, I’ve seen this challenge from both a professional and personal perspective.
Having worked in senior HR leadership roles within large organisations, I experienced significant personal loss while trying to navigate the expectations of returning to work. My employer cared deeply and genuinely wanted to support me, but like many organisations, they lacked the confidence and knowledge to do so effectively.
That experience taught me two important lessons:
- What meaningful workplace support during grief actually looks like.
- What unintentionally makes the grieving process even harder.
Like many employees, I was expected to return to work quickly while still processing overwhelming loss. During that time, I discovered the power of coaching as a practical way to help people rebuild confidence, manage day-to-day life and navigate the realities of grief alongside work.
Grief Coaching Isn’t About “Fixing” Grief
Many people assume grief coaching is the same as therapy or counselling. While professional therapy is invaluable for many people, coaching serves a different purpose.
Grief coaching focuses on helping individuals understand their emotions, develop practical coping strategies and confidently navigate everyday life while acknowledging that grief is still present.
After qualifying as a coach, I completed specialist training in grief and loss, allowing me to support both individuals and organisations through a wide range of bereavement experiences.
Today, I help clients understand:
- What grief really is (and what it isn’t)
- Why everyone experiences grief differently
- How grief affects our thoughts, emotions and behaviour
- Why grief can impact confidence, concentration and performance at work
- Practical ways individuals and employers can offer meaningful support
One of the biggest misconceptions is that grief follows a predictable timeline. In reality, grief is deeply personal and rarely progresses in a straight line.
Grief Doesn’t End After Compassionate Leave
Organisations such as the CIPD continue to campaign for improved statutory bereavement leave, recognising that current entitlements often fall far short of what people genuinely need.
While increasing compassionate leave is an important step, time away from work alone is rarely enough.
Grief has what I often describe as “a long tail.”
Weeks or even months after returning to work, many people continue to experience:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Memory lapses
- Emotional exhaustion
- Anxiety
- Reduced confidence
- Sleep disruption
- Feelings of isolation
- Unexpected emotional triggers
Supporting grieving employees isn’t simply about giving someone time off, it requires a longer-term approach that recognises grief as an ongoing process rather than a single event.
A Three-Stage Approach to Supporting Grieving Employees
One of the frameworks I regularly recommend to organisations is viewing bereavement support as an ongoing journey rather than a one-off conversation.
1. Immediate Support
The first few days and weeks after a bereavement are often the most overwhelming.
At this stage, employees are rarely thinking about work. They’re dealing with practical arrangements, family responsibilities and intense emotional shock.
During this period, employers should focus on reassurance rather than productivity.
Effective immediate support includes:
- Letting employees know work is not their priority
- Providing compassionate leave where possible
- Removing unnecessary workplace pressures
- Maintaining gentle, supportive communication
- Asking what support they need rather than making assumptions
Helping someone feel genuinely supported during this stage can significantly reduce anxiety about returning to work later.
2. Supporting the Return to Work
Most employees return to work within a few weeks, but grief doesn’t disappear simply because someone is back at their desk.
This transition is often one of the hardest parts of the bereavement journey.
Managers should remember that employees may still be experiencing:
- Reduced concentration
- Emotional fatigue
- Changes in motivation
- Difficulty making decisions
- Increased stress levels
- Fear of becoming emotional at work
A gradual, flexible return supported by regular check-ins can make an enormous difference.
Much of my coaching focuses on helping individuals rebuild confidence, establish healthy boundaries and find practical ways to balance work responsibilities while continuing to process their grief.
Returning to work shouldn’t mean pretending everything is back to normal.
3. Long-Term Wellbeing Support
The final stage is often the one organisations overlook.
Grief doesn’t have an end date, and while most people gradually adapt over time, meaningful recovery is far more likely when ongoing support is available.
Long-term bereavement support should form part of a wider employee wellbeing strategy and may include:
- Regular wellbeing conversations
- Mental health support
- Coaching sessions
- Employee Assistance Programmes (EAPs)
- Manager training around grief awareness
- Flexible working where appropriate
- Access to counselling or specialist support
Rather than offering isolated interventions, organisations should build an integrated support framework that recognises bereavement as part of overall employee wellbeing.
When people feel understood, supported and given permission to grieve in their own way, they’re far more likely to recover well, remain engaged at work and feel genuinely valued by their employer.
Ultimately, supporting grief isn’t simply about responding to loss, it’s about creating compassionate workplaces where people are supported through one of life’s most difficult experiences.
Advice for Communicating Your Needs While Grieving
Returning to work after a bereavement can feel overwhelming, particularly when you’re unsure how to navigate conversations with colleagues. Alongside helping organisations develop bereavement policies and support frameworks, I also coach individuals through this transition, helping them return to work in a way that feels manageable and supportive.
One of the most effective strategies is to create a simple communication plan before you return. Grief often brings a profound sense of lost control, so deciding in advance how you want to communicate can help restore some confidence and reduce anxiety.
Consider questions such as:
- Who do I want to tell about my bereavement?
- What information am I comfortable sharing?
- Is there a trusted colleague or manager who can communicate on my behalf?
- Would having a workplace “buddy” provide additional support?
- What practical adjustments would help me during my return?
Having these conversations early allows colleagues to better understand your needs and reduces the pressure of repeatedly explaining your situation.
It’s also important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to talk about grief. Some people prefer not to discuss their loss at work, while others find comfort in speaking openly about the person they’ve lost. Colleagues often avoid raising the subject because they’re worried about saying the wrong thing or causing further upset.
If talking about your loved one would help, don’t be afraid to let people know. Equally, if you’d rather keep those conversations private, it’s perfectly acceptable to set that boundary. Being open about your preferences helps create a more supportive workplace and ensures others know the best way to support you during your grief journey.
The dual process model of grief
A process model that I use a lot in my practice is the dual process of grief model. It is effectively two sides. On the left side is the loss orientation, which is essentially the grief experience, it’s the pain, it’s the emotions- all of the things we’ve been taught to know as grief. And the right hand side is called restoration, and restoration is your day to day, it’s ‘getting on’ with life each day, but it’s also the distractions and stepping away from grief to not overwhelm yourself.
What we do then, is we ‘zigzag’ between the two sides of the model from loss to restoration and back and forth. I feel this model helps us to understand that grief is an experience rather than a process and it requires action. For instance, if we’re spending too much time on the left hand side it can be utterly devastating and will make it incredibly difficult to get on with everyday life. On the other hand, if we’re spending a lot of time on the right hand side of the model and we don’t acknowledge that the left side is there, that’s also not helpful for our progress.
Learn More About Grief Support
Whether you’re navigating your own grief, supporting a loved one through bereavement, or looking to build a more compassionate and supportive workplace, I’m here to help.
I work with individuals, managers and organisations to provide practical grief coaching, bereavement support and workplace guidance that helps people feel understood during one of life’s most challenging experiences.
If you’d like to discuss how I can support you or your organisation, get in touch today or schedule a call for a confidential conversation.
To hear the full discussion and explore more practical insights, listen to the Live, Learn, Lead Podcast – Living and Leading Through Grief with Gemma Bullivant.
